• Duane Eberly

Yelling Doesn't Work!

Susan was exhausted and the day wasn’t even half over. Her three children were driving her crazy. No amount of yelling, threatening, or pleading changed anything. Days like this intensified her craving for drugs. A good laugh, she thought, would at least bring some temporary relief. Susan got her laugh when the in-home worker talked about “parenting while sitting down”. To her that was an oxymoron. She asked what that meant. His response made her smirk and shake her head in disbelief. He said, “You can sit and do the things you enjoy while your children listen and cooperate. No yelling or pleading is necessary.” Well that settled it. Susan knew the worker had to be on drugs; parenting without yelling was impossible. Desperate and not wanting to offend the worker, she asked for more details.

The in-home worker told her a story of a person getting

pulled over by the police for speeding. The officer approached the car, yelled at the driver, threatened to give him a ticket, and then just left. Unphased and used to being yelled at, the driver continued speeding. This became a daily routine - speeding, yelling, and no ticket. The in-home worker asked Susan how the speeding would stop. She replied, “By giving the driver a ticket ...” As she said this, it dawned on her that she was doing the same thing; yelling and not taking any action to stop the offensive behavior.

Susan was on board. She and the in-home worker talked about specific changes that could be made:

If a child was late for curfew, time would be taken off the next outing.

If chores were neglected, there would be no privileges until they were done.

Being disrespectful meant extra work.

No Yelling Involved!

Susan was eager to implement these skills, her children, however, did not share the same enthusiasm. They believed they could wear their mother down by complaining, pleading, and even being defiant.

But this time was different. Mom, with the in-home worker's encouragement and advice, stayed strong and did not succumb to the children's manipulations. Susan noticed that as she remained firm and consistent, her children's manipulations decreased. Now when the in-home worker drives past Susan's house, he occasionally sees her sitting on the front porch steps, smiling and relaxed as she interacts with her children. Mom is calm and the children are cooperative.

Does this all sound familiar to you?

Do you know someone who is frustrated?

Are you at your limit trying to figure out your kids?

Check out this article online https://www.mother.ly/child/yelling-doesnt-work5-things-to-try-instead or contact us at (641) 752-3912 for a free 15-minute consultation with one of our Family Support Specialists.

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